When I first thought about the word, define, really thought about it, it struck me as being very important that the root of the word was finite, the antonym being infinite. As I have noted elsewhere, Soren Kierkegaard purportedly said, "Once you label me, you negate me," which I have always found to be profound. A definition, by its very nature, limits one's understanding of a concept, and when we define ourselves in any way, we become this and not that. This is why I cringe when people want to define my as "white" or "middle-aged" or an athlete (that last one is becoming more and more of a stretch, but I am doing my best to stay active). In doing so, people hope to make me more understandable, as if to say, "Oh, that is why you are who you are!" Really? It is that simple? I don't think so.
Since learning this, I am certain that people have not stopped labeling me, coming up with their own terms for defining who I am and who I am not; however, my awareness that they cannot define me any more than I have been truly successful at defining myself has allowed me to make who I am an amorphous and plastic entity. I use the term plastic in conjunction with the neurology term, plasticity, which refers to the ever-changing and adapting structures of the mind. Neuro-scientists have repeatedly shown that how one uses his mind changes the structures of his mind. That means that, once I learn a new habit or activity, it is wired into my mind because neurons grow to connect, synapses begin to fire, and my mind becomes physically different for the rest of my life.
This is why it is so very difficult for people to change their minds, to break engrained habits. It is not a matter of simply choosing something new; when a new habit is formed, it takes a while for the nerves to grow to create a new web of neurons that will support the new behavior or even thought pattern. The brain needs to physically change in order for one to change his life; this takes time, discipline and patience. These are not qualities that are emphasized in our modern society. We want change now, and if someone is selling it, we will buy it. Earning it by struggling through frustration and fasting or learning new disciplines is considered to be unnecessary frustration. Life should be fun! Unfortunately, it is the search for fun that is derailing the locomotive towards well-being.
Back to the title. We choose small lives, because we want simplicity, assuming that this will make our lives manageable and predictable. The problem, of course, is that we limit ourselves, our potential, our experiences, trimming the depth and breadth of our possibilities to an uncomplicated, if bland and unimaginative little garden. This small plot takes less care and limits dangers or uncertainties. The drawback, of course, is that tending this little plot leaves one without challenge and spontaneity. We wake up every morning knowing what to expect, or at least hoping we know, and then we wonder why, when we reflect back on a year after having endured it, we find so few moments that stand out as remarkable or even interesting.
I love the message of this song by Sister Hazel, but it has taken on new meaning for me, because I know that changing my mind is not as simple as choosing ruffles or no ruffles, plain or peanut, rolling or scrunching. Changing the mind takes time and patience. It takes commitment to a vision of who I want to become, and then it takes discipline to build these changes into my brain. Older people become wiser only if they create these vast neural labyrinths that allow them to "see" connections between different Areas of Knowledge and Ways of Knowing. This, in turn, can only happen if they recognize that the Knower is a dynamic entity that will continue to grow and possibly improve because one has consciously sought positive change.
This means that fun should not be our only goal. What seems fun is quite often that to which we have allowed our minds and bodies to become addicted. If it is fun to watch television and eat junk food, we might do that, but in the long term, obesity, the lack of quality relationships and imagination might impact our well-being, none of which seems fun. If fun involves repeatedly playing the same video games, we might wake up one morning and realize that our friends have moved on to real-life challenges that are yielding more than digital rewards and wonder why we have not done the same. If constantly going to the mall or hanging out seems fun, we might one day realize that, over time, we have not changed or grown in any meaningful way because we have not developed any disciplines that enrich life.
If a small, manageable life is what you want, then ignore this information. I am not here to judge others who attempt to do so, especially since I have often caught myself doing the same, but if you want to expand your possibilities, to experience more and lavish in epiphanies about yourself, take the time to change your mind.
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